Bush's "small ball" career needs an asterik

Since the band done packed up and grabbed the first available lifeboat outta Dodge, there is very little left to do but watch Dubya try to steer what's left of ship around with an iceberg jammed in its backside. This entails locking a bit of that world-famous tunnel vision on "kitchen table issues," or what Bush administration aides call the smaller issues that hardly matter to the public-at-large and requires no act of Congress. This is similar to President Clinton in the later years of his second term, when the GOP regained control of Congress.

Trying to look proactive on something as the clock runs out on the worst presidency in the history of the United States of America, Bush announced a permanent ban on commercial fishing of striped bass and red drum on federal waters, which brought little applause, or reason for applause, as commercial fishing these two species is always a no-no, with Bush's plans only coming to fruition if the current ban is eliminated. That's just how proactive Bush is going to be, ladies and gentlemen, as he sprints to the finish, he's gonna ban stuff a second time around, just to make sure it sticks.

Bush has also mentioned opening up more airspace, so that travel on Americans can be a little easier during the holiday season. In fact, he issued an executive order to do just that. Another meaningless gesture, as the FAA can open or close airspace at its discretion. Yep, no executive order needed. I'm waiting for the announcement any day that water will remain moist (if not necessarily protected), thanks in no small part to another piping hot executive order from our decider, helpful to the end as he limps off to the judgments of history.

If you can believe it, Bush was on a roll, saying he was all for giving the FDA new powers to recall unsafe foods. So, does that mean the powers the FDA had before was worthless? Does this mean they can do something other than recall anything with a "made in China" label on it. This must be a good thing...sigh.

While I'm sure former White House press secretary Tony Snow no doubt enjoys spending an evening combing through some of the asinine things he said in the line of duty, I wonder of he remembers his "small ball" remark, made after the Democrats gained control of Congress last year. While it was his contention that President Bush was not going to play "small ball," let's be brutally honest here, people. Can it get much smaller than this?

This week in people having a worse week than I...and good for them...

While I may have complained here as of late about my recent dental adventure last Monday, and the subsequent pain, discomfort, and brief moments of joy, sponsored by Vicodin, this stupid SOB over in Connecticut wins for bad week hands down.

Darren Swanson, a 21 year-old Bridgeport resident, was shot in the face Friday by people he said were strangers. Being the apparently hardcore individual he is, Swanson drove himself to the hospital, which gains him Tarentino cred for functioning after a gunshot wound. Extra action points were then awarded when Swanson crashed into the ER doors at Bridgeport Hospital. Gunshots and car crashes? Man, Connecticut's a little rougher than I thought, I guess.

Nobody was hurt when the grand entrance occured, and Swanson was in fair condition as of Saturday afternoon, but here's the kicker. Swanson was charged with possession of marijuana when they found a bag of the substance in his wrecked car. Come on, Swanson. You're telling me you had the presence of mind to drive yourself to the ER after being shot in the face (we won't go into the presence of mind to use the brakes once you got there), but somehow you failed to ditch your stash? Like you didn't know the police were going to be involved, not only because it was a shooting, but because you smashed up the Bridgeport Hospital ER? Holy damn. Maybe next time you get shot in the face, you'll know better how to address the situation.

Full Metal Proxy?

I know that somehow, someway, the military managed to meet recruiting goals, and that on occasion, mistakes have been made, but you have to admire the ingenuity in some of the mistakes. Not that it is particularly ingenious to enlist an severely autistic kid, but you know what I mean. Nine Marine Corps recruiters were busted, with one being discharged, for bringing in ringers to take the Armed Services entrance test for enlistees. Sounds like the kind of part-time job some politician's kid would get. Probably list it as "summer stock" on his or her resume. The eight remaining recruiters were given new jobs and face fines and demotion. You want punishment or demotion, try shipping those eight marines to Iraq or Afghanistan, so they can experience first-hand the paradise they've been selling...