Same old story, same old song and dance?...reports have Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler in rehab now, and of course, the same rehab where Dr. Drew shot Celebrity Rehab- Encinas Hospital. Rumor has it Tyler is seeking treatment for a painkiller addiction. And I wonder, are we on our way towards a Celebrity Rehab: Rock and Roll Hall and Fame Edition? Ugh...probably so.
Meanwhile, whatever passes for the print media in Britain is all over the story purporting that Hell's Kitchen host Gordon Ramsay ate a dish containing the tip of a contestant's thumb during the taping of a recent episode. While I understand accidents can happen, what concerns me is the mainstream media is not picking up on the big detail, and that is...Gordon Ramsay has now acquired a taste for human blood! Man, oh gosh, oh gee, oh freakin wow. While I absolutely and without question loathe reality shows, and most anything connected to them, I can't help but feel sorry for future contestants. You thought getting a dressing-down from Britain's most profane master chef was bad enough, wait until he literally takes a bite out of someone's ass...betcha it happens during the next sweeps period.
As for American Idol, it wasn't like I gave two shits and a fuck about the winner (or any of the losers, hopefuls, fans, production crew...all the way down to the schmuck that brings them coffee and percosets during tapings) or all the inexplicable hype paid to the season finale. Like it's over. Like it is ever freaking over. Sure, the new episodes are over, and now all these drooling simps who watch this crap have to fall back on is the reruns. Me, I like to get in on the betting pools trying to figure out when Paula Abdul is finally going to go "all the way" crazy, resulting in her being out of a tree with a tranquilizer dart sticking from her ass like a lost bear in the suburbs. As for David Archuleta, the runner-up (as in you didn't fucking win!), I wonder if he's going to figure out his nutcase father is the reason his career isn't exactly soaring. I mean, he got booted from Star Search (which, if memory serves, you lost too) and now, after getting barred backstage at Idol, are you starting to notice a trend here? Maybe Archuleta will buy his dad a fat (I mean heavy fat) Zoloft script or something when he inevitably scores a record deal for being the second-best in the fans' eyes. Here's to hopin he lasts as long as what's his face, you know, the schmuck that won last year...only to fade quicker than the grip on reality the many, many pills (no doubt) provide for Paula.
But there is still hope. People recently polled as a part of Museums and Galleries Month picked the worst ideas of all time. Their choices?:
1. The atomic bomb.
2. Reality television.
3. Capital punishment.
4. Plastic bags.
5. The credit card.
Finally, a poll I can get behind. #3 is the only slot in the top 5 I can not agree with. Capital punishment is a fine idea, but to excuse the pun, the problems start with the execution of the concept.
Now that at least some small segment of the world's population-at-large feels reality shows are the happy medium between a lethal injection and a radioactive firestorm of death, I think maybe we have turned a corner, here. Forget global warming...no one is really all that interesting in saving the planet at this point (I think they are just trying to score hippie chicks), and ditto that when it comes to peace...no one is buying into that prospect, either. Maybe, however, just maybe, we can end reality TV in my lifetime.
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